The 3 AM Leadership Test: Finding Clarity When Life Gets Messy

Nobody tells you that real leadership clarity shows up at 3 AM while you’re changing your daughter’s bed sheets for the second time that night.

There’s no TED Talk for that moment. No framework. No five-step process.

Just you, a pile of laundry that smells like regret, and a church leadership meeting you’re supposed to lead in six hours.

Welcome to the real leadership test.

When Life Writes Its Own Curriculum

October 2024 hit different for me. I was coming back from a conference: RALNATCON: feeling like absolute garbage. Chills. Night sweats. Headache that wouldn’t quit. My wife wasn’t feeling great back home either, and all I could think was, “I wish I could be with them right now.”

Then I got home.

Solenn, my youngest, started throwing up. Loose stool. The whole nine yards. And just when you think you’ve got it handled, boom: 3 AM wake-up call. Diarrhea leaking through the sheets. Towels. Everything.

My wife and I were tag-teaming cleanup duty while trying to keep Ella asleep in the next room.

And here’s the kicker: I had to lead our monthly Church meeting that same Sunday morning. You know, show up as a leader. Be present. Be intentional.

So let me ask you this: What do you do when life refuses to respect your calendar?

The Clarity vs. Chaos Paradox

Most leadership books treat your life like it’s a controllable environment. Set your intentions. Block your calendar. Protect your energy.

Cool. Now explain that to a two-year-old with diarrhea at 3 AM.

Here’s what I learned in that moment of absolute chaos: Clarity doesn’t come from controlling your circumstances. It comes from knowing what matters when everything else falls apart.

I still led that Church meeting. The girls couldn’t attend because Solenn was still recovering, but I showed up. Not because I’m some superhero. Because I knew what mattered.

Community. Family. Purpose.

That’s it.

When you strip away all the noise: the business calls, the conference networking, the “one conversation away from success” mentality: you’re left with the things that actually move the needle.

During one of my calls that week with a woman named Chelsea, a RAL owner in Lytle, TX, something clicked. I wasn’t trying to close a deal. I was just genuinely curious about what they do at their facility. I kept her talking. Listened. Asked questions.

And you know what I wrote in my journal that day?

“Success is a conversation.”

Not a transaction. Not a pitch. A conversation.

When you focus on creating meaning: changing someone’s life, solving a real problem, contributing something valuable: the money follows. But most of us get it backwards. We chase the money and wonder why we feel empty when we get it.

The Breakthrough Nobody Saw Coming

Fast forward a couple days. I had a health appointment. Everything was progressing well. She saw great improvement in where I was heading.

Then I did something I rarely do: I showed my cards.

I pulled out these 3×5 index cards I’d been working on. Each one mapped to something important: Community. Family. Reward. And I showed her how everything I’m building connects.

The coaching business. The real estate investing. The transition from military to civilian life. The leadership work with GBE and Emerge. Even the Ragnar Relay I was about to run.

It all connected.

She was impressed. But here’s what really mattered: I was impressed. For the first time in a while, I could see the whole picture. Not just the individual pieces.

That’s alignment.

Not some woo-woo spiritual concept. Just the practical reality of knowing that what you’re doing on Tuesday actually supports what you’re trying to build for the next decade.

The “Do or Do Not” Framework for Busy Professionals

You’ve probably heard that Yoda line: “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Sounds cute on a coffee mug. But here’s how it actually works in real life:

Stop saying “I’ll try to make time for that.”

You either schedule the call or you don’t. You either show up for the meeting or you don’t. You either sign up for the Ragnar Relay or you don’t.

“Try” is where dreams go to die slowly.

During that crazy week in October, my wife bought all the stuff I needed for the Ragnar Relay without me even asking. She just handled it. No “I’ll try to get to it.” She did it.

That’s alignment in a marriage. That’s what happens when two people are clear on what matters.

Here’s a simple framework I use now:

The Alignment Audit (3 Questions)

1. Does this connect to Community, Family, or Reward? If not, why am I doing it?
2. Am I saying “I’ll try” or am I committing? If I’m trying, I’m lying to myself.
3. Would 3 AM me be proud of how I showed up today? The version of you handling crisis is the real you. Lead from there.

Run every decision through these three questions. You’ll be shocked how much clutter falls away.

When Everything Connects (Finally)

The week ended with me running my first Ragnar Relay. After everything: the sick kids, the business calls, the leadership meetings, the cleanup duty at 3 AM.

And you know what I realized?

Intentional leadership isn’t about having it all together. It’s about showing up when it all falls apart.

You don’t need perfect circumstances to lead well. You need clarity on what matters. You need alignment between what you say and what you do. And you need the guts to keep moving forward when life hands you a pile of dirty laundry at 3 in the morning.

One of my favorite quotes from that week came from a conversation about building companies: “If you make meaning, you’ll make money. Focus on meaning, changing people’s lives, when building your company.”

That’s the whole game right there.

Stop chasing the outcome. Start focusing on the impact. The outcome takes care of itself when you get the alignment right.

Your Move

So here’s the real question: What’s your 3 AM leadership test right now?

Maybe it’s not literal sick kids (though if it is, I feel you). Maybe it’s the project that keeps you up at night. The team member who’s struggling. The business decision you keep avoiding. The relationship that’s falling apart while you’re “building your empire.”

Whatever it is, that’s your test.

And you don’t pass it by having all the answers. You pass it by showing up with clarity on what matters most.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re constantly choosing between your work and your life: or worse, failing at both: it’s time to get aligned.

I’m running a free 5-Day Alignment Challenge specifically for high-performing professionals who are done with the chaos and ready for some clarity. No fluff. No rah-rah motivation. Just practical frameworks to help you connect the dots like I did with those 3×5 cards.

Five days. Five frameworks. One goal: Help you lead with intention instead of reacting to whatever crisis hits next.

Join the 5-Day Alignment Challenge here and let’s build something that actually holds up at 3 AM.

Because that’s when it counts.

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Reden Dionisio is The Intentionality Coach: a retired Navy Chief, father of two autistic daughters, and founder of Genuines Coaching & Consulting LLC. He helps high-performing leaders move from drift to intentional legacy through alignment, clarity, and authentic leadership.