Looking back at my 41st birthday in October 2024, here’s what it looked like: I woke up at 0445, laced up my running shoes in the dark, and knocked out 20 miles on foot. Later that afternoon, I hopped on a bike and crushed another 21 miles. Forty-one miles for my 41st trip around the sun.
Sounds heroic, right lol?
And here’s what was happening in that same October 2024 season of life in between those miles: My daughter had a potty training victory (trust me, that's a bigger win than any marathon). Another daughter had a ring finger emergency that required immediate dad-medic attention. My youngest was coloring like Picasso on everything except the coloring book.
And somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, I was wrapping up a resilience training session and celebrating 13 Program Management Trainees graduating from a course I'd been leading.
This is what grit actually looks like. It's not one epic moment on a mountaintop. It's the micro-decisions you make when your alarm goes off at 0445 and your bed feels like heaven. It's the choice to show up for the run, the kid, the training session, and yourself, all in the same day.
And if you're a high-performing leader or parentpreneur reading this, you already know: the consistency of showing up is where you win or lose.
The Drift vs. The Grind
Let me tell you what I've learned after two decades in the Navy and now coaching leaders through their own chaos: most people don't fail because they lack talent or opportunity. They fail because they drift.
Drift looks like this:
- Hitting snooze "just this once"
- Skipping the workout because "I'm too busy"
- Letting the day happen to you instead of designing it
- Reacting to urgency instead of executing on what's important
And the scariest part? Drift feels comfortable. It feels justified. You've got a million reasons why today isn't the day to do the hard thing.
But here's the truth bomb: inconsistency is the kiss of death for intentional leadership.
You can't lead your team if you can't lead yourself. You can't build a legacy if you're constantly reacting to the chaos instead of creating order within it.
That 41-mile birthday back in October 2024 wasn't about proving I'm some ultra-endurance athlete (I'm not). It was about proving to myself that I could still choose discipline when everything else was pulling me in different directions.
The Three Grit Anchors
Reflecting on that milestone from 2024, I remember coming back to three non-negotiables, what I call the Grit Anchors. These aren't motivational fluff. They're operational frameworks I use to lead myself first, especially when life gets messy.
1. Pre-Decide Your Non-Negotiables
I didn't wake up on my birthday and think, "Hmm, should I run today?" That decision was made weeks, months earlier. Forty-one miles for my 41st birthday. Non-negotiable.
When you pre-decide, you remove the emotional friction. You're not negotiating with your tired brain at 0445. You're executing a decision your past self already locked in.
Your move: Identify three non-negotiables for this week. Not ten. Three. Write them down. Schedule them like you'd schedule a board meeting. Protect them like your career depends on it (because it does).
2. Honor the Micro-Wins
That potty training success? That was a win. My daughter Solenn coloring for 20 minutes straight while I finished emails? Another win. Thirteen PMTs graduating from the program? Major win for the US Navy team.
Most leaders are so focused on the big milestones that they miss the micro-wins happening right in front of them. But those micro-wins compound. They stack. They build momentum.
The guy who dismisses the small victories is the same guy who burns out chasing the massive ones.
Your move: At the end of each day, write down three wins. They don't have to be earth-shattering. "I showed up" counts. "I stayed calm during the toddler meltdown" counts. Stack those wins, and watch your grit muscle grow.
3. Move Before You Feel Like It
Physical state drives mental state. Always.
A couple days later October 29th, 2024, I was tired. My legs were still recovering from the birthday miles. But I knew if I waited to "feel like" running, I'd be waiting forever. So I moved first. Five miles. Not fast, not pretty, but consistent.
Want to change your mood? Change your movement. Want to shift your energy? Get your body in motion.
Your move: When you're stuck, frustrated, or drifting: move. Ten push-ups. A walk around the block. Doesn't matter. Just move. Your brain will follow your body.
The Work-Life Harmony Lie
Can we kill the phrase "work-life balance" once and for all?
Balance implies there's some perfect 50/50 split where work gets exactly half your energy and life gets the other half. That's fantasy.
What actually works is work-life harmony: the ability to blend, integrate, and prioritize based on what the season demands.
That birthday week? I had professional wins (PMT graduation, resilience training) and personal wins (family time, the 41-mile challenge, potty training victories). They didn't balance. They harmonized. Some days work took the front seat. Other days, my kids did. And on my birthday? My personal grit challenge took priority, and everything else flexed around it.
Here's the framework:
✅ Identify the season you're in. Are you launching something big at work? Are your kids in a critical developmental phase? Name the season.
✅ Prioritize accordingly. Not everything is equally important right now. What's mission-critical this week?
✅ Communicate expectations. Tell your team when you're unavailable. Tell your family when work needs your focus. No one can read your mind.
✅ Protect the non-negotiables. Your health, your relationships, your integrity: these don't flex. Everything else can.
The Translation: What This Means for You
You're reading this because you're ambitious. You're leading something: a team, a business, a family. Maybe all three. And somewhere in the middle of all that leadership, you've felt the pull of drift.
You know what you should do. You just haven't been doing it consistently.
Here's your wake-up call: the gap between where you are and where you want to be is closed by daily discipline, not occasional intensity.
Forty-one miles on my birthday didn't make me a better leader. But the decision to honor that commitment: even when I was tired, even when the kids needed me, even when work was demanding: that's what built the grit muscle.
And grit isn't a personality trait. It's a practice. It's something you build, one micro-decision at a time.
Your Next Move
Let me ask you three questions:
- What's the one commitment you keep breaking with yourself? (The workout, the morning routine, the strategic thinking time: what's slipping?)
- What micro-win did you dismiss today? (Go back and celebrate it. Seriously. Write it down.)
- What's one non-negotiable you're pre-deciding for this week? (Pick one. Schedule it. Protect it.)
Drift is easy. Grit is hard. But grit is the only thing that builds a legacy worth leaving.
Ready to stop drifting and start leading yourself with intention?
Take the Alignment Assessment to identify where you're leaking energy and how to reclaim it: https://alignmentassessment.lovable.app
Or book a free alignment call and let's map out your next 90 days with clarity and purpose: https://calendar.app.google/n6cjzGVrvhfitNKw9
The gap between where you are and where you want to be? That's what we close together.
Lead yourself first. The rest follows.
( Reden
The Intentionality Coach)
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