The Genuine Leader: Victor Not Victim

The "victor" mindset understands that a bad day isn't a bad life:

There I was, on the midst of retiring from the Navy, a man who has led sailors through high-stakes operations and navigated some of the most complex organizational structures on the planet, defeated by a toddler’s earring.

Seriously. My daughter, who at that time was currently in her "I can climb anything" phase: decided that the earrings her mom just put on her were optional. She took one off, dropped it, and like a heat-seeking missile, my foot found the post. It went straight in.

As I’m hopping around the living room, trying to find the backing so my other daughter doesn't step on it, I’m not thinking about leadership. I’m just annoyed, in pain, and trying to keep the situation from getting worse.

Later, though, that moment stuck with me. Not because it was deep in the moment, but because it was real. And honestly, that’s what leadership feels like a lot of the time. It’s rarely a dramatic speech or some polished breakthrough. More often, it’s inconvenient, unglamorous, and easy to underestimate when you’re in it. It’s the messy, non-linear, and often uncomfortable process of moving from one stage of life to the next without losing your mind; or your purpose.

Welcome to this week’s edition of The Genuine Leader. If you’re a busy professional trying to balance high-level career transitions with the chaos of "parentpreneurship," this one is for you.

To gain leadership clarity, you have to clear the clutter.

Transition Requires an "Unload"

That week was a big one for me. I started the process of physically and digitally "unloading" as I transition out of my Navy career and fully into the CEO role here at Genuines Coaching & Consulting.

I spent a good chunk of my time packing out my office. There’s something incredibly cathartic about clearing off a desk you’ve sat at for years. But it wasn't just the physical boxes. I started a "Digital Unload" too: unsubscribing from every newsletter, notification, and "special offer" email that I don’t actually open or use.

In leadership, we talk a lot about adding: adding skills, adding headcount, adding revenue. But authentic leadership often requires subtracting. To gain leadership clarity, you have to clear the clutter. If your brain is occupied by 400 unread emails about 20% off coupons for a store you haven't visited since 2019, you don't have the "sustainable capacity" to lead your team through a crisis.

Transitioning isn't just about moving to a new job; it’s about shedding the skin of who you used to be to make room for who you’re becoming. If you don't unload the old habits, the old mental models, and the literal junk in your office, you'll carry that weight into your next chapter. And trust me, that weight creates a "drift" that pulls you away from your intentional legacy.

Progress is Never a Straight Line

If you want a masterclass in the highs and lows of progress, try potty training a toddler.

One day, my daughter is a superstar. She’s putting words together: "this is a apple, that's a ball": and going "pee pee in the potty" like a pro. We’re celebrating, high-fiving, and thinking we’ve finally cracked the code.

Then came that Thursday. Ella pooped in her panties three times. Three times.

It’s easy to feel like you’re failing when you hit a regression. Whether it's a toddler’s potty habits or a leadership development program that isn't sticking with your managers, we often expect progress to be a steady upward curve. In reality, it looks more like a jagged mountain range.

In the Navy, we call this "adjusting course." Just because you hit a setback doesn't mean the mission is a failure. It just means you need to recalibrate. She is learning. I’m learning. You’re learning. The "victor" mindset understands that a bad day isn't a bad life: it's just data. It’s an opportunity to ask:

What changed?

What do we need to adjust?

How do we get back on track?

Every Test is Preparation

I finally made it to a date night with my wife to see the Gladiator sequel. I’ll be honest with you: I fell asleep during parts of it (Chief life is tiring, okay?). But the theme of the movie, and the theme of my life right now, is that every test is preparation for becoming the person you are meant to be.

Whether it’s the frustration of scheduling final physicals, the stress of vocational workshops, or the literal pain of an earring in the foot, these are "tests." You can choose to see them as obstacles that are stopping you, or as weight training that is making you stronger.

I’m currently in the middle of a "Round 2" vocational workshop. I’m updating resumes, applying for leadership roles, and following up on speaking engagements. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a lot of "putting yourself out there" and waiting for the phone to ring.

But I’ve learned to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

The 3-2-1 Framework for the Intentional Leader

To help you move from "drift" to "intentionality," I want to break down this week's lessons into a simple framework you can use right now.

3 Key Insights

1. Transition requires an "Unload": You cannot step into a new version of leadership while holding onto the physical, digital, and mental baggage of the past.

2. Progress is non-linear: Success isn't measured by the absence of setbacks, but by how quickly you recover from them.

3. Every test is preparation: Your current struggle is the training ground for your future success.

2 Actionable Strategies

1. The Digital Unload: Open your inbox right now. Search for the word "unsubscribe." Spend 10 minutes ruthlessly cutting out the noise. If it doesn’t serve your mission or your peace of mind, it’s got to go.

2. The "Victor not Victim" Audit: Take a look at your biggest frustration this week. Are you complaining about it (Victim) or are you looking for the lesson in it (Victor)? Reframe the challenge. Instead of saying "This is happening to me," say "This is happening for me."

1 Reflection Question

"Are you waiting for things to happen, or are you making them happen?"

Time waits for no one. I could have waited for the Navy to tell me what’s next, or I can be proactive: calling the records office, scheduling the physicals, and reaching out to organizations for speaking opportunities. The Genuine Leader doesn't wait for permission to lead.

Final Thoughts

Being a "Victor, not a Victim" doesn't mean life is easy.

It means you've decided that your purpose is bigger than your pain. It means you can have a "poopy panty" kind of day and still wake up the next morning ready to lead with vision and inspiration.

Stop drifting. Start deciding.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the transition or struggling to find clarity in your leadership role, let’s talk. You don't have to navigate the "earrings in the foot" of life alone.

Ready to stop the drift and build your intentional legacy?

• Book an Alignment Call

• Take the Alignment Assessment

Stay intentional.