Deer, Diapers, and Decisions: Navigating the Chaos of Authentic Leadership

Ever had a week where the universe decided to test every single one of your systems at once? I’m talking about the kind of week where the "high-level visionary" version of you is forced to collide head-on with the "guy cleaning poop out of underwear" version of you.

Welcome to the Messy Middle.

As a retired Navy Chief, I’ve led teams through high-stakes operations and literal storms. But lately, my most profound leadership lessons aren’t coming from the deckplate, they’re coming from the backseat of a Highlander and the floor of a bathroom.

If you’re a parentpreneur or a leader trying to scale while keeping your family intact, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s loud, it’s expensive, it’s inconvenient, and it is the absolute best training ground for the next level of your legacy.

The Week the Wheels (Literally) Came Off

Let’s talk about "The Car Chaos." In the span of seven days, we had to replace all the tires on our Highlander. Standard maintenance, right? Fine. But then, a deer decided to play chicken with that same Highlander. Guess who won? Not the deer, and definitely not my deductible.

Then there’s the $155 plaque I had to pick up right before that deer decided to play chicken. $155! plust the deductible I had to pay for the car incident with the deer. SMDH... leadership often feels like a series of small, expensive papercuts.

While the cars were falling apart, the home front was a different kind of chaotic. My youngest daughter has been going through it, crying her eyes out, clearly uncomfortable, and just overall distressed. As a leader, whether at home or in the office, there is nothing more taxing than seeing someone on your "team" hurting and not being able to find the immediate "fix."

And then, the breach of trust. We had a respite care worker, someone we hired to help because we needed a breather. I checked the camera and realized she was completely out of sight for 30 minutes. GONE. In a world of leadership, that’s a catastrophic failure of oversight. If you aren't watching the perimeter, who is?

The Smell of Success (Literally)

But in the middle of the chaos, there were these massive, beautiful wins.

My oldest daughter had a breakthrough. She peed in the potty four times in one day, twice at ABA and twice at home. If you aren't part of the special needs community, you might not get how huge that is. That is a "Champagne and Fireworks" moment. She even lost her first bottom front tooth!

But the real leadership insight? It happened when we got home in the rental car.

My oldest daughter saw the cup my youngest daughter was using. Without being asked, she picked it up and put it back in the cup holder. Then, when I told her we were using the front door, she marched straight there and rang the doorbell.

She wasn’t just following orders; she was showing care for her sister and ownership of the process. That is "Next Level" behavior.

Insight: Failing vs. Failure

In the middle of all this, I realized something I need every leader reading this to hear: Failing and Failure are two different things.

You may fail at a task. You may fail to see a deer. You may fail to hire the right babysitter on the first try. You might even fail to get to the potty on time (we had a "poop in the panty" situation this week, too).

But failing is an event. Failure is an identity.

As a Navy Chief, I’ve seen sailors fail qualifications. It didn’t make them failures; it made them students. In your business or your family, when things go sideways, you have to decide: are you going to let the "fail" define the "who," or are you going to let it refine the "how"?

The I-IMPACT Brief: The Foundation of The Genuine Leader

To move from the "Messy Middle" to intentional leadership, we use the correct I-IMPACT Framework. These seven pillars are the foundation of The Genuine Leader philosophy. They help you process real life without pretending the mess isn't there. More importantly, they help you remember this truth: failing is an event, but being a failure is an identity you do not have to accept.

This week gave me plenty of raw material. A deer hit the Highlander. A respite care worker disappeared off-camera for 30 minutes. My youngest daughter had a rough stretch. My oldest daughter had a huge potty-training breakthrough and showed real care for her sister. None of that was neat. All of it was leadership material. That's the point. Genuine leaders don't wait for polished conditions. They lead right in the middle of what is hard, human, and unfinished.

I — Intent

The Message:
You don't get to control every event, but you do get to choose how you lead through it. Intent keeps one bad moment from turning into a bad identity.

The Pillar Point:
I couldn't stop the deer from hitting the vehicle. I couldn't magically remove my youngest daughter’s discomfort. But I could decide that the stress from the repairs, the schedule disruption, and the frustration would not spill over onto my family. That's what intent looks like in real life. It says, "This happened, but this will not define who I become next."

The Exercise/Framework:
Before your day starts, name your leadership intention in one sentence:
"No matter what goes wrong today, I will respond with steadiness, not reactivity."
Write it down. Put it in your phone. Say it before you walk into work or back into your house.

The Behavior:
You stop leading by emotion and start leading by decision. You become less reactive, more grounded, and harder to knock off course.

I — Insight

The Message:
Insight means you tell the truth about what happened without turning that truth into self-condemnation. This is where "Win and Learn" starts.

The Pillar Point:
The week gave us clear signals. The deer strike was a disruption. The missing respite care worker was an oversight issue. The potty-training progress was a win. The accident in the underwear was not proof that progress was fake; it was proof that growth is messy. That's the difference between insight and shame. Insight says, "What happened here, and what does it teach me?" Shame says, "See, this is who you are." Genuine leaders reject that second voice.

The Exercise/Framework:
Use this quick debrief:

• ✅ What worked?

• ✅ What didn't?

• ✅ What did this reveal?

• ✅ What will I adjust?

Do it after a hard meeting, a parenting setback, or a mistake you wish you could undo.

The Behavior:
You become a student instead of a self-critic. You stop labeling yourself a failure and start extracting the lesson from the event.

M — Mission

The Message:
Mission answers the question: what are we actually building here? If you don't define that, chaos will define it for you.

The Pillar Point:
When my oldest daughter used the potty four times in one day, that wasn't just a cute family moment. That was mission progress. When she cared for her youngest sister’s cup without being told, that was mission progress too. Our mission isn't just to survive the week. It's to build independence, responsibility, trust, and legacy inside our home. Same thing in business. You're not just trying to make it through another quarter. You're building people, culture, and capacity.

The Exercise/Framework:
Ask one mission question in the middle of a hard moment:
"What matters most here, long term?"
If the answer is connection, growth, safety, trust, or character, let that drive your next move.

The Behavior:
You stop obsessing over the immediate inconvenience and start acting in service of the bigger purpose.

P — Plan

The Message:
Good intentions without a plan create more frustration. Real leaders translate lessons into repeatable action.

The Pillar Point:
After the deer strike, we didn't just sit there and complain. We handled the insurance process, adjusted transportation, dropped off the SUV, picked up the rental, and kept life moving. With potty training, the wins matter, but progress only sticks when there is a clear plan across home, ABA, and daily routines. The same applies to trust issues. If someone disappears off-camera for 30 minutes, the response can't just be emotion. It needs a plan for accountability.

The Exercise/Framework:
Use a simple 3-step planning check:

1. ✅ What happened?

2. ✅ What is the next right step?

3. ✅ Who owns it and by when?

Don't overcomplicate it. The best plan is often the next clear move.

The Behavior:
You shift from overwhelmed to organized. You stop replaying the problem and start building forward motion.

A — Alignment

The Message:
Alignment is when your values, words, and actions match. This is where identity gets protected.

The Pillar Point:
If I say I value family but let car stress dictate my tone, I'm out of alignment. If I say I believe failing is an event, but then I treat a potty-training accident like proof that my oldest daughter "isn't getting it," I'm out of alignment. If I say "Win and Learn" but only celebrate the wins and hide from the lessons, I'm out of alignment. Genuine leadership requires congruence.

The Exercise/Framework:
Ask yourself:

• ✅ What do I say matters most?

• ✅ What did my actions this week prove matters most?

• ✅ Where is the gap?

Pick one gap and close it this week.

The Behavior:
You become more credible, more trustworthy, and more consistent because your leadership stops sending mixed signals.

C — Communication

The Message:
Leadership rises or falls on what gets said, what gets clarified, and what gets reinforced.

The Pillar Point:
This week required a lot of communication: coordinating logistics around the SUV, responding to a service-provider issue, guiding transitions at home, and reinforcing success with my oldest daughter. Communication isn't just giving instructions. It's creating clarity, safety, and reinforcement. It's also how you protect identity. You don't say, "You're failing." You say, "That didn't work yet. Let's try again." That's a very different message, especially for people you lead and the kids you love.

The Exercise/Framework:
Practice this sentence structure:

• Name the event: "That was a hard moment."

• Protect identity: "This does not define you."

• Give direction: "Here's what we'll do next."

Simple. Clear. Repeatable.

The Behavior:
You communicate in a way that builds people instead of bruising them. You create clarity under pressure.

T — Timeframe

The Message:
Transformation takes time. The wrong timeframe will make you quit on progress that is already working.

The Pillar Point:
Potty training doesn't become a victory because of one good trip or one bad accident. It's built over repeated reps. Trust isn't rebuilt in a day. Systems aren't fixed in one conversation. Even leadership maturity takes time. That's why "Win and Learn" matters so much. It gives you a sustainable lens for long-term growth. A bad day does not erase a good direction. A fail in the process does not make you a failure as a person.

The Exercise/Framework:
Use the 24-7-30 reflection:

• ✅ 24 hours: What needs immediate response?

• ✅ 7 days: What pattern am I seeing?

• ✅ 30 days: What change am I trying to build?

This keeps you from making permanent identity statements based on temporary events.

The Behavior:
You become more patient, more disciplined, and more committed to process over panic.

When you put these seven pillars together, you get a healthier way to lead through chaos. You lead with Intent, gather Insight, reconnect to the Mission, build a Plan, check for Alignment, strengthen Communication, and respect the Timeframe required for real growth. That's not theory. That's the foundation of The Genuine Leader philosophy.

And that foundation matters because life will keep handing you "deer" moments. A missed target. A hard parenting day. A broken system. A disappointing hire. A setback that makes you question yourself. In those moments, the goal is not perfection. The goal is to refuse the lie that one event gets to define your identity.

So yes, the deer happened. Yes, there was a potty-training accident. Yes, there was a service-provider issue. And yes, there were also meaningful wins. My oldest daughter showed growth. My youngest daughter still needed steady leadership. Our family kept moving. That's what genuine leadership looks like. Not clean. Not glamorous. Just honest, aligned, and committed to learning.

Win and Learn isn't a cute phrase. It's a discipline. It's how you stop drifting and start building legacy on purpose.

Translation: What This Means For You

What you’ve done in the past isn't necessarily what you need to continue to do to be successful at the next level.

If you’re still trying to use "Entry Level" parenting or "Startup Level" management when your life has grown into a "Mid-Stage" beast, you’re going to crash. The "Next Level" requires you to embrace the opportunity to learn and grow from the mess.

You have to be willing to smell the poop, fix the car, and still have the vision to see the tooth fairy's arrival as a win.

Reflective Interaction

1. Where in your life are you confusing a "fail" (an event) with being a "failure" (an identity)?

2. If you audited your "camera footage" today, where would you find your team (or yourself) "missing in action" for 30 minutes?

3. What is one "Next Level" habit you saw a family member or employee display this week that you forgot to celebrate because you were too busy worrying about the "deer"?

The middle is always going to be messy. But it's in the mess that the most genuine leaders are forged.

Stop drifting through the chaos. Start building your legacy.

Ready to find your alignment?

If you're tired of the "Messy Middle" feeling like a permanent state of being, it's time to get intentional. Take the Alignment Assessment today and see where your leadership is drifting.

👉 Take the Alignment Assessment

Or, if you're ready to get back on course right now:
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